just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
The best revenge is premature balding
Ketchup is God's man juice
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
