"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
