i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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