I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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