ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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