; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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