ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
