5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
