Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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