Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
