the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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