Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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