Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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