It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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