I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
