I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
