I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
