508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize