what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
