i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
