moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
