Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
