seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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