i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just google imaged poop.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
