I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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