My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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