sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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