you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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