I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
