So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
