Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
