I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
