Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
