Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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