everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
