I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
They took my balls.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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