i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
