U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
