hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
