my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
