In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize