you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
