Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The beer is more important than you right now.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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