Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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