Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
home. puking in laundry basket.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Randomize
