Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
