Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
