i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
