we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
