Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
