I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize