I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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