my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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