I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
