I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
