I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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