Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
