It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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