You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
