I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Omg I joined a choir last night...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
