Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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