why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize