I'm so fucking centered right now
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
