Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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