Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
my liver is dry heaving
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
