The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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