The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
