She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
