oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
that may or may not have been my penis.
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