i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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