That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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