Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
